birdie takes flight

My little sister Lizzie (aka Birdie) left for her mission today. I thought I would handle it much better, and I was hoping to handle it better, but I didn't. Like an idiot I sobbed like a little baby. I was crying so hard I was gasping. I feel like a part of me has left. The part that reminds me to be more patient and loving, to genuinely care about people, not to judge. The part that reminds me to be optimistic and look for the good. That part of me is Lizzie.

She was set apart last night and it was a beautiful experience for our family. She was able to bear her testimony with us and I was a witness to the special change that took place in her. She IS a missionary and she is truly wonderful. I cannot wait to hear stories about her mission and the things she experiences. She has only been on the plane for 2 hours now and I still can't pull myself together. My eyes are puffy and red, and they hurt from crying so much. I know she isn't gone forever, but she is my best friend, my confidante, and I will miss her every single day for the next 545 days.

I decided that I was going to read the entire Book of Mormom while she is gone, to keep myself spiritually minded and also for me to track how long she has left on the mission. There are 531 pages in the Book of Mormon, which is perfect, because it gives me some wiggle room if I forget to read a day or two.

Lizzie is my little baby. I think I truly cried harder than my mom did today at the airport and on the way home. I have watched Lizzie grow and blossom into a beautiful young lady. I can't take credit for any of her accomplishments, but I am so incredibly proud of her! From 3 days after she was born we have been inseparable. (Apparently it took me a few days to warm up to her.) She has been my shining star, and the only one who can change my mood when I am sad or upset. (Travis is still learning, catching on pretty fast.) She truly has a gift of healing. The bond we share is so strong, which is why I am a pathetic miserable mess right now!

Lizzie truly is my best friend. At times when I had no friends, I took comfort in the fact that I would always have Liz. She has been on this rollercoaster life with me and never abandoned me. How many of us could say we have friends like that? I'm lucky that my best friend is my sister and we will be together forever because we're related. When my friends distanced themselves from me, gossiped about me, decided they didn't like me anymore, I always had Lizzie. I still have her, but in a different way. This next year and a half is going to be really difficult for me. It's going to be hard finding my identity without Lizzie. I'm afraid that I might learn I am not as awesome as I thought I was. Lizzie was always there to cheer me on and lift me up. Now I have to do that on my own. She's always been a part of how I identified myself, and now I have to find out who I am, apart from Lizzie. I'm not sure I ever wanted to do that.

I know it was hard for Lizzie to grow up as my younger sister. I'm a spotlight hog and I regret not giving her the support and attention that she needed. However this is something I won't get to do in my life. I won't ever serve a mission as a single sister. This is completely HERS and something she can hold on to and reflect on for her entire life, and eternity! I can't wait for people to get to know her and fall in love with her! Birdie has spread her wings and it's her time to fly. I could not be more proud.