pity party

alright alright. warning: I've had no sleep last night, and very little sleep this entire week. I'm tired and grumpy, and I'm feeling REALLY sorry for myself right now. So I decided to host my very own pity party and as soon as I'm done typing, the party will be over.


I am at work. I don't want to be at work, but I need money.

I am in school. I don't want to be in school, but it's my last class to get my degree.

I have been taking care of my mom. Although I want to be there and support her, it's not my favorite thing to do.

I haven't had much sleep. When I do sleep, I wake up and scream because I have horrible night terrors and nightmares.

Travis doesn't have a job. Of course, this was a decision we made together, but it's been rough not having the dual income.

It's summer, and I want to PLAY.

Our family (Trav's entire extended family) left for lake powell today. They'll be there for the entire week. I'm really sad. I've been the past 4 years, and I really wanted to go this year. I don't even think we'll be able to go half week.

I have a headache.

My stomache hurts.

My brain is fried.

My arms, legs, feet, shoulders, back, face and even my eyelashes hurt.

I need more sleep than most people, and I haven't gotten it.

I forgot to take my prozac last night.

I also forgot to take my birth control this morning.

I forgot my toothbrush. :( .....sick.

My feet STINK because they sweat.

My face is breaking out and I have a major crater face.

I scratched my wedding ring a few days ago, and it is SO noticeable.

I forgot to bring lunch to work. I won't get to eat for about 6 more hours.


Ok. I think that's the end of my pity party. I started to laugh as I typed it out, so I think that means I'm getting past it? I hope so.

she escaped!

Mama Shattuck is finally out of the hospital, as of a few hours ago. She took our her own IV and ran up the street to her house!

Ok, only joking. BUT.....

She is doing better. I wish I had pictures to post. I will do that when I can.

Pain is still an issue, but we're trying to get it under control. She had her pain pumps removed and I swear there was like 15 feet of the tube coiled in each breast!! I am usually really good with watching IV's, and other medical procedures. I RARELY get sick or feel faint.

Except this time!

My dad was in the room too, watching the nurse take out the tubes that administered the pain meds (local anesthetic, like lidocaine). My mom didn't want to watch.

Man alive!! My dad and I glanced at each other, exchanged giggles, and luckily he was already sitting down! I was standing, watching and trying not to gag. I do have to admit, it WAS pretty cool though.

Ok enough gross stuff.

My mom is doing a little better. I bet she's happy to be home. I have mixed feelings about it because when she is in a ton of pain, it's not like I can give her a shot of Morphine. Bummer. Well... thanks again for the prayers, they are definitely working! We'll see how tonight goes. I'm sleepin over so I can keep watch and stay on top of the meds.

Ya'll have a nice weekend!

the patient: an update

My mom is veeeeeeery slowly progressing. Still having tons of seizures throughout the night, and some during the day.

The hospital has a policy that they won't wake up patients for pain medication unless the patient asks for it. Maybe that's how all hospitals do it? I have no idea. But all I know is that my mom wakes up in pain and can't get it under control for a few hours after.

My mom WAS able to get up and walk about 15 feet today, very slowly, and not without pain. It was pretty painful to watch, but she made it alright.

Again, I apologize for not calling everyone. We are trying our best, and my number one priority is my mom. So if I don't answer my phone, it's because I am either holding a bucket so my mom can up-chuck, moving her arms and legs for her, feeding her, and getting nurses to attend her.

When I am not at the hospital, I am at work. I CANNOT answer my phone at work. Call me selfish if you will, but I NEED to be here at work. Watching someone suffer 24/7 is the worst thing, and I need to get away so I can feel like a normal person.

I have a huge appreciation for nurses and doctors and assistants in hospitals. Patients can be overbearing, micromanaging and out of control (as is the patient in the room next to my mom). Nurses must have an extreme amount of patience for their patients (did ya like that play-on-words there?).

I could NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER be a nurse.

Anyway, that's the update for my mom right now. Nothing really new. Didn't sleep well last night, and SLOWLY progressing today. As always, thanks for the prayers and concern.

the hardest thing

Alright so here's an update on my mom.

The actual surgery went well, but afterwards the doctors couldn't get her seizures under control. She is still having a ton of seizures and isn't all that coherent.

My dad and I take turns at the hospital taking care of her. It's kind of depressing, to tell you the truth. She is in a ton of pain.

I'd much rather be the one in the hospital than the caregiver. It sucks knowing that I can't really do anything. I'd rather be the one suffering! (Even though not too long ago I WAS in the hospital, being the one taken care of.)

This is probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I hate watching people suffer, and I can't handle it! I feel like I'm being pulled in a thousand directions, and everyone is calling me and asking me how my mom is doing. Don't be surprised if you call me and I don't tell you the whole truth. I apologize for lying, it's just too hard right now.

My phone has been buzzing off the hook for the past 2 days and I appreciate the calls and facebook messages and texts. I will update you when things are better, ok? I promise.

She'll be better soon, we just have to get my mom to believe that it actually WILL get better.

Anyway I don't have much more info for you other than that. Thank you for your prayers and continued support.

kicking cancer's butt

This lady is havin her boobs removed as we speak!!

She is still in surgery and the Doc will come out to talk to us soon. Guess what my mom's doctor/surgeon's name is? Doctor Tittensor. Yes. Tit-and-sore. Am I the only one that finds that hilarious???!!?!?







My lovely mama will be out of surgery and on the road to recovery in no time. She's kickin butt. That's what she does. She's a fighter. Will post updates later! Thanks so much for the love, support and all your prayers. We are truly grateful!

I miss her today.

For some reason I've been thinking a lot about Lizzie lately, and missing her a ton. When she left I was a total mess, and I thought that it would get better, and it has... just very slowly. I still think about her and miss her all the time. So I decided to put some pics of her up here so you can see how beautiful and cool she is! I'm so lucky to have her as my sissy and best friend!!

Here we are at west yellowstone 3 years ago! We had a great time!




She's gorgeous and likes to change her hair a lot... just like me.

This is one of her mission pictures. Again, different hair. :)

She loves telephone booths, for some reason! So she had take a picture.

She has done some modeling, and this is one of the pics they did for fun. Again, take note of the hair.

She's super cool and popular. She knows Seth Green.

AND, Ryan Seacrest.

She has tons of friends, and everyone loves her!

She is the most generous person I know, and really compassionate. She went to India to work in the leprosy colonies, and to teach the children there. Here she is doing some painting at the school!

She loves kids, and they love her. She draws positive attention to her wherever she goes and yet she is so humble. Not vain... like her older sister. :)

And this is the picture that makes me cry. This was at the airport the day Liz left for her mission. It was really hard on both of us! I think I cried harder than my mom did. Just look at how tight we are hugging each other. The love is visible.

I miss her so much, but she is coming home in 5 months! I really thought when she left I'd be ok because I have Trav, but there's nothing like the special bond sisters share, especially Liz and me. Our relationship is like no other.

what do you think?

Ok people. I'm like the girl from Confessions of a Shopaholic. I have too much stuff.

For a while now I've wanted to simplify and de-clutter my life. Which means......

PURGING!!! (no, not eating and then throwing up like bulemic people.) I mean, getting rid of my stuff, peeps!!

So here's the deal. I have a billion things I want to get rid of.

I have tons of purses, clothes, jewelry, decorations and much much more.

If I did a "silent auction" on my blog would you bloggers out there respond?

I'd start the bidding at certain price, would you go from there?

Here's the other option. If I don't do an auction on my blog, then maybe I'll just have a garage sale.

What do you all think? any suggestions? I would just try to sell the stuff on ebay or etsy, but I want to give my friends a chance to nab my stuff before the world does. :) Lemme know what you think? Garage sale? Auction?

doggies

We love little doggies! Trav's cousins got a little puppy a while ago and we went to Trav's parents to have dinner tonight, and of course, introduce the little pups to each other!


I love them! It was fun to see them interact.


Pepper was a little scared of the trampoline, so Travis held her, but Ruby (other doggie) loved it. You can see her catchin some air before trying to escape from Travis' torment.


Pepper likes to fly!! We like to torment her sometimes, just because she's a crazy mutt. Gotta love her though!
It's raining cats and DOGS!!

I can make decisions, FINALLY!

First, look how adorable I was as a baby! I know it's vain, but Trav thinks so too.

Today I am 25 years old. I swear when I looked in the mirror, I thought I could see at least 12 extra wrinkles this morning. (Totally kidding). I don't really feel older, it's just a number!

Alright, about the title of my post....

When I took psychology in high school, I learned about our brains and how they function. My teacher told us that there is a certain part of our brains that don't fully develop until we are 25 years old. He told us it was in the frontal lobe, where we make decisions. Then he made some dumb joke about how teenagers think they can make all these important life decisions, but they aren't really able to be wise about it yet... til 25.

So as of today, I can officially make decisions. (OR SO I THOUGHT!!)

This morning, Travis got breakfast ready for me, and made me a super delicious smoothie to take with me to school.

When I got to school, I was grabbing things out of my car, I slipped and the smoothie went right down my purse, inside and out. I screamed some *choice* words and I was truly more upset about losing my yummy smoothie Travis made than ruining my purse. Although, I really did like that purse.

I was late for class, cleaning up smoothie stickiness everywhere, and feelin pretty sad cuz I lost my smoothie.

After class, Travis took me to lunch at Red Lobster (of course, to eat CRAB!!! I love seafood!). We went to the mall afterwards, to look for a new purse. I found a bunch I liked, and I narrowed it down to 2.

I could NOT decide for the life of me which one I wanted!

So much for being able to make decisions!! GOSH!

After 30 minutes of looking intensely at each purse, wearing each one around on my shoulders and really trying them out, I finally decided on one.

Now I'm just here at work! I get to wear jeans since it's my birthday. Around here, wearing jeans is a super special thing since we never really get to.

For my birthday celebration, I got to go to West Yellowstone with my parents! It was a BLAST! I had so much fun. I felt like a kid again, when my parents paid for everything. It was quite nice. We went into the park and saw amazing waterfalls and other cool things, like bears, elk, coyotes, eagles, bison, buffalo and more. Don't worry, pictures and videos to come.

Happy birthday to me! Thanks for all the messages on my facebook! I feel very loved.