T-rav and tiny tot

Since February is the month of love and all, I decided this month would be themed "12 people I love/am grateful for." First comes first though... I'm grateful for Travis and Phineas.

They are the most important people in my life, and I don't know what I'd do without them! You've heard me rave about Travis all the time, so I will keep this short.

Let's just say that I'm sure I don't know how good I actually have it. I have a husband who isn't afraid of cloth diapers. He supports me in all my crunchy granola ideas about birth, breastfeeding and child-rearing. He doesn't judge me or my post-baby body. He helps out with Phineas in every way imaginable. He's the model father and husband.

Then there's Phineas. He teaches me so much. There have been times when I miss being able to just hop in the car and go where I want. Sometimes I want just a quiet minute to myself to just stare at a blank wall and not have a list of things to do, I just want to be.

Yes there have been times when I crave sleep. I feel like a junkie who is looking for the next fix. I am obsessed with bedtime and naps. I cannot ever get enough and I am definitely going through withdrawls. (Side note here: to all my wonderful friends without kids, please I beg you..... SLEEP! Sleep for those of us who cannot. Take advantage of it. Go to bed early, and sleep in late. Take cat naps. Don't stay up all night just for the "fun of it." Sleep, and sleep hard. Please. Do it for me. If I ever hear you say how tired you are, I just might slap you silly. That's your choice to stay up late. Soak it all up while you still can!)

All this aside, I wouldn't trade being Phineas' mom for anything in the world. All the things I want to do WILL wait for me. The books I want to read, the pictures I want to take, the hobbies I want to pick up... it WILL wait for me. Phineas, however, will not. There are moments when I feel like an hour lasts a lifetime, especially during his crying bouts. But I think to myself, is there any place I would rather be? No. Would I want to go back to the way things were before him? Definitely not. Now that I've had Phineas, I could never go back to not having him. I didn't know I would love him this much.

It is hard. Waaay hard. Harder for me than I imagined it would be. Which is why I sometimes seem ungrateful when I complain about how rough this adjustment has been. I don't mean to be that way, I just thought I would be a better mommy! Yet I realize how lucky I really am to be where I'm at... with the husband I have, and the baby that's ours.

So I'm grateful for Travis and Phineas. My two boys whom I love very very much.