six week peak & an accident

Phineas is six weeks now, and at the peak of his colic. We are definitely at the worst of it right now. Every book I've read and everyone I've talked to has said that babies hit the peak of their fussiness (regardless of colic) around weeks 6-8 and it gets better after that. We are really looking forward to the "better" aspect of all this!

He is still eating well. He is gaining weight and growing strong. Here are a few pictures of our little guy for you to enjoy. (And then I have a story for ya'll).



They day Phin turned six weeks (Monday) we were planning on going to dinner with our friends because they are moving (and leaving us!!). My mom was at my house that day helping out and I was going to take her home and then have dinner up in American Fork. I decided to take state street for whatever reason. Looking back I totally regret that decision, but the choice was made and what happened, happened.

At 1600 North and State street, the car in front of us was speeding up to make the yellow light but last minute decided to stop. I had to slam on my brakes pretty hard and even swerved a little to avoid crashing. I immediately looked in my rearview mirror out of habit because I got rear ended in high school and now I always check what's going on behind me when I have to stop short suddenly. I saw a car a little ways back and they were approaching fast. It looked like they had no intention of stopping.

I said, "They're going to hit us!!" and within a few seconds, they did. Our car lurched forward and I screamed. They hit us HARD. I was screaming, "NO!! NO!!!! My baby! My baby! My baby!!" I ran over to where Phineas was. My mom got out of the car (she was in the back with Phin, trying to calm him down because he had been fussy in the car) and I apparently fainted into her arms. I couldn't bear the thought of anything bad happening to my little boy. It was like my worst nightmare coming true! Luckily my mom was there!

Luckily, he was alright. The jolt and mayhem of everything was exactly what he needed to fall asleep! It scared me because I thought something bad had happened. He was O-U-T. Next thing I know, I'm back in the driver's seat, clenching the steering wheel, white knuckled and an EMT is asking me to slow down my breathing. Another EMT was checking on Phineas and I was yelling at him, "Is my baby okay? Is he alright?!" He reassured me a thousand times, and commented on how handsome Phin was. In fact, everyone involved kept saying how beautiful he was.

Amidst everything that happened, Phineas had a wet diaper and was screaming. I had to nurse him in the backseat of the car with everyone opening the door a billion times and officers getting statements from me and asking my address, info, etc. I think all of Orem has now seen my chest. I was in so much pain, I just didn't know it yet. I was still running on adrenaline from the accident, I didn't know where I hurt.

The guy that hit us was just a college kid. His car was totaled. I mean, completely gone. Our car is pretty badly damaged, but we don't know how bad just yet because we haven't been able to take it in. When the guy heard there was a baby in the car, he broke down. I've never seen someone sob so hard. As upset as I was, I had to put myself in his shoes. I would be broken too if I thought I could have killed a little baby. I asked him what happened and he told me that his brakes just didn't work. Not that they locked up, they just didn't work. He had been in an accident only 2 weeks before and his car was having lots of troubles since then. (Man, that kid had it rough! And it was finals week at school. Poor guy.) I really did feel bad for him.

It was quite the scary experience. We are grateful that we remained relatively unscathed, although pretty shaken up about it.

I am grateful for carseats. It saved my baby's life!
And I'm grateful that I still get to see this face every single day. I hold him much tighter now.
I think the worst part about this whole thing is that after my CT scan, they told me I couldn't breastfeed for about 8 hours because of the contrastive dye. I had to pump and discard my milk and give Phin formula. When they told me that at the hospital, I completely broke down. It seemed like the worst news ever. That night, Travis gave Phineas a few bottles of formula and I couldn't even watch. I felt completely useless. Phin had a hard time adjusting back to nursing but got the hang of it after a few tries.

We are doing well. I am reeeeeally sore and we are a little shaken but we are ok. Phin does seem a little more jumpy lately but that could be the colic. I guess I'll never know.

I have so much to be grateful for. I'm glad my mom was in the back seat with Phin. When I said that we were going to get hit, she steadied Phineas's head. I'm grateful that we didn't get sandwiched between the car in front of us, and I'm so grateful for the wonderful ladies that pulled over to help and make sure we were okay. They were the only ones that did. I swear if I ever hear or see an accident I will stop. Everyone thinks, "It's not that bad," or "someone else will stop" but sometimes, no one does. I'm grateful for those little angels on earth and also the ones in heaven that watched over us.

I am upset about how much we have to deal with now and all the aftermath. At first I was really angry. I am mad this happened when I am already in such a vulnerable state after just having a baby, and that baby has colic, and a whoooole bunch of other things going on (I won't bore you with the drama of it). I don't know why it happened, but it did. I can't let myself be bitter about it because it doesn't change anything. The matter of fact is that we are alive, unhurt and we get to keep on going. We are definitely in survival mode right now and while I would much rather be in "thriving" mode, this is the best we can do.

I kick myself for saying, "Well, this must be as bad as it gets, because things couldn't be worse." Don't ever say that. It can and will get worse if you aren't grateful. That's the lesson I had to learn. So I will just take my trials as they come and be glad it isn't worse. I know from experience now that things can turn sour super fast.

I'm no Polyanna by any means, but I'll definitely be counting my blessings and holding those I love tighter and express my love more often. And playing the "glad game" doesn't hurt, either.

Anyway that's our little story. The six week peak for us was more like the six week mountain. But we're climbing that mountain. We are doing it! There's so much to enjoy along the way, I just needed my eyes to be opened so I could see it.