Happy New Year's Eve!!
As I have tearfully reflected on this past year, I have so many wonderful memories and also some regrets. I always feel like I could have done better in so many aspects of my life that it's hard to not get down on myself. I regret being so insanely jealous of others, due to my countless hours spent looking at all your lives displayed on facebook and blogs. I have compared myself to you and I have felt like I don't measure up. You have better hair, houses, style and talents. Your babies sleep better than mine, are easier tempered and you are super-moms who do it all. Your lives are more exciting than mine as you go on weekly dates with your significant other, travel around the world and take amazing photographs. I regret feeling jealous of you. I regret not doing enough and not being enough. Most of all, I regret not being a happier, and good person to be around.
I am reinventing myself. It's never too late, right? I have been thinking about how I want to be remembered. I am not particularly talented in any area. I don't take amazing pictures, I'm not funny, witty, smart or super pretty. I don't have an amazing fashion sense and heaven knows I'm not great at interior design. I'm not writer, musician or poet. So what am I? I want to be remembered as being gracious. That is one quality I can possess and be really good at it. It is measurable, attainable and something I've always admired in others.
In retrospect I've learned that many of my trials have come to me because I am not grateful enough. So, in light of this (and praying to God that I can have a better year without TOO many hard trials) I have decided that my theme for 2012 is "Be Grateful." President Gordon B. Hinckley came up with the 6 "Be's" of life, and Be Grateful was the first on the list. To me, it seems the most important. For the other "Be's" click here.
Since the year is 2012 and there are 12 months in the year, I've decided that 12 will be the magical number. Each month will be its own category and I will list 12 things I am grateful for/things I love in that specific category. (I may have to go more than 12 in some areas though).
I also got the idea of listing the things I am grateful for from the First Presidency Message in this month's Ensign. The article is titled, "The choice to be grateful," and at the end of the message is a "gratitude challenge" to list 100 things we are grateful for. To read the article and see the challenge, click here.
I feel like this exercise, stretched out over the course of one year will force me to reflect on the things I am grateful for and help me to realize all the wonderful things in life. This will help me see the things I do have and help me to like myself and my life a little more, especially when I don't compare myself to you all.
So without more chit chat and endless explanation, here is the list!!
January - 12 trials I've had that I am grateful for
February - 12 family members I love and am grateful for (I may go over 12)
March - 12 friends I am grateful for (again, may go over 12)
April - 12 material possessions I am grateful for
May - 12 things I'm grateful that I'm learning about motherhood
June - 12 things I am grateful I know/have learned
July - 12 things I am grateful for/love about myself
August - 12 places I'm grateful to have been/lived
September - 12 things I love and am grateful for about nature
October - 12 wonderful memories I am grateful for
November - 12 modern inventions I am grateful for
December - 12 things I am grateful for about the gospel of Jesus Christ
In addition to being a more gracious person, I have added three more goals for 2012:
1. Read 12 new books
2. Take more pictures
3. Have less regrets
Notice that I did not say take "better" pictures, just more. It's a step in the right direction. I will focus on the talent part of taking pictures next year maybe.
I am really excited about this new me and goals I have set. I will be grateful for whatever 2012 brings because I am reinventing myself and hopefully becoming the person I've always wanted to be.
3 comments:
Come to my blog. You will suddenly be reminded that all that does matter is that you DO have a husband and a baby. :) P.s. I adore you just the way you are. :)
I understand where you are coming from! I get jealous about all of those same things and I hate it. One thing that helps me be more grateful for the small things in my life is over the past couple years I have been keeping a "happiness is" journal (but it could also be a gratefulness journal). I write down really simple things like the way hadi says "mm hmm" or those little fruit popper things at frozen yogurt places. Really small things but then reading back over them makes you grateful for all that stuff. And just remember that other people are looking at YOU and thinking those same things as you are about them ;)
Oh, and can I recommend a book for your "12 books?" Tattoos on the Heart by Gregory Boyle. Incredible.
I loved this, mostly because YOUR blog is one that I read and think, "I wish I had Kat's hair, her house, her style, her mothering skills, her interpreting skills, etc." !!! So, you're not alone. I think we ALL compare, and we do it too often, and we shouldn't. I need to work on that this year too. Thanks for being honest! We need more kind honesty in this world.
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