I'm going to try to keep these posts as succinct as possible. Mark Twain once said in a letter to a friend, "I'm sorry I wrote you such a long letter, I didn't have time to write a short one." It's hard to write a great story/post/essay and keep it concise! Being succinct is not one of my many talents. I am long-winded and wordy and feel like fewer words don't do a good story justice. But I will work on it, k?
Here's the thing. Since the whole purpose of this goal is to work on being more grateful and therefore happier, I am going to try and stay as positive as I can. But I also value being honest and real about my life. Gotta take the good with the not-so-good, right?
I have to admit that when I first came up with this month's grateful theme, I thought it would be really easy to list 12 trials I've had in my life. I figured I'm 26 years old and I'm sure I've had at least one trial per year. Minus the first 4 years wiped from my memory as a child equals 22 years. So I've calculated that I should have 22 memorable trials minimum, right?
Wrong.
I can barely come up with 4, and that's only within the past 2 years or so! The fact that I can hardly list trials I've had in my life seriously reveals something about myself:
I've had it pretty good!!!
That's something to be grateful for, right there! On the other hand, because I've forgotten so many of them it obviously means I haven't learned my lesson. So trials will indefinitely be coming my way. :) One thing's for sure, I am going to make it a point to remember my trials (and, consequently, what I've learned from them) so I can work on being more grateful. I keep thinking to myself, "Really? I'm sure I've had more trials.... what were they?" I'm sure as I go along I will remember more. I might have to read past journals to jog my memory, but I've gotta come up with at least 12. I am determined to do so. These trials have shaped who I am today, and I am grateful for them, whatever they were.
Ok, enough of that. Let's move right along here.
The first trial I would like to talk about (and these are in NO particular order... chronologically, importance, etc) was the beginning of my pregnancy.
You all remember, I'm sure. I was so sick that I had to go to the infusion center at the hospital 4x a week for IV's. It was rough. My nausea never fully went away even after taking zofran and phenergan. The IV's wasn't for nausea, it was for dehydration because I couldn't keep anything down. Even swallowing my own saliva made me vomit. I could tell you horror stories that would make you sick to your stomach, but I refrain.
Here are some pics from that time. I can barely look at them now, without feeling sick!
I was working a lot, teaching 2 classes, and extremely tired. Yet I am SO grateful for this trial. Even though my sickness didn't go away as soon as I wanted it to and I still struggled with nausea throughout my pregnancy here and there, I am glad it happened. I'm still pretty nervous to get pregnant again but I know that it's all worth it.
As I sit here with my little guy softly snoring next to me, I look at him and I couldn't have imagined how truly wonderful it would be. (Especially how he just smiled and laughed in his sleep!) I also think that the pregnancy had to be rough so that I could have such an amazing birthing experience. And I would seriously give birth a hundred times before I would go through the first 18 weeks of pregnancy again. But since that's not possible, I will just take each pregnancy as it comes and try to enjoy it. :)
I am grateful for that trial, as difficult as it was, and probably the most difficult of my life. I learned patience. I learned that my body is incredible and can do miraculous things, like creating a baby! I learned to rely and trust God and his timetable. I saw a side of Travis that I hadn't appreciated before, his compassion. He was so wonderful. He would get my whatever sounded good and go to great lengths to get it. Then he would bring it home to me only to find me laying on the bathroom floor, crying from pain and exhaustion. I remember one time he brought me some miso soup (he went to 3 different places before he got some) and I took one bite and was sick. It tasted different and I wanted to throw it out. He didn't get mad or yell or say, "what a waste of time and money" he just sweetly took it from me and lovingly said, "what else can I get you? what sounds good?"
Travis and I grew closer together as a couple from this trial than we would have otherwise. Our love became stronger and we were more united. He told me multiple times daily that he was so appreciative of the sacrifice of my body I was making to house our baby. He never once made me feel bad about anything. He was extremely supportive and kept me going strong. Poor guy ate fast food for about 5 months since I couldn't handle smells cooking in the kitchen. Yet he was such a trooper!
I accept that I get sick with pregnancies. It has made me a stronger person, although I remember feeling so weak and useless during the trial. It made my relationship with Travis so strong and unwavering.... exactly what we needed before the baby came. I can't imagine having a rocky foundation of a marriage and then having a baby. It's hard enough as it is, without that! But Travis and I have been able to get through so much because we had those 5 horrible months together. It prepared us for what came next... a baby with colic (trial no. 2). Stay tuned!
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